venus and mars

Yesterday when I was writing about the blame game, it got me thinking about general differences between men and women. We're all familiar with "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." But then I stumbled across this article and it basically seems to refute the notion that we are wired differently and that neurosexism is actually something we created as a way to explain traits and behaviors to justify stereotypes.

I think I disagree. To a point.

Now, are there men out there who are more "feminine" in the sense that they are more sensitive, more intuitive, more gentle than the average man? Yes. And are there women out there who display more traditionally "masculine" traits like aggression, subdued emotions, or a love of sports? Yes. Neither of these is a bad thing, and I hate that men can be seen as weak when they cry and women labeled bitches if they are ambitious. I also fully support the research that proves reminding people of gender stereotypes can result in self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, when a group of girls is told "boys are better at math" before a math test, they will perform more poorly than a group that wasn't told the same.

However, I DO believe we are wired differently, and that's what makes us unique. Females can be emotional, but why is this seen as a negative? It is our ability to love so deeply and be nurturing and show compassion that makes us who we are. Why can't this be celebrated?

Enough male musicians write love songs that I know they too can feel what I just described. It can't all be stories and fables. But as females we are far more likely to self criticize. We have different views of sex - men are more likely to view it as just a physical act, and women are more likely to see it as an emotional connection. We love differently. We are more likely to make excuses for inexcusable behavior, and we have a seemingly boundless capacity for forgiveness.

Is this because we are TOLD we are that way, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, too? I don't know if I can fully buy into that.

The Penn study, which is the target of the article's fury, does seem rather stereotypical in it's conclusion that "women can't read maps and men can't multitask." I mean, I don't have a smart phone and I've lived all over the country and traveled all over the world. I am a great map reader and can navigate my way around almost anywhere because I have a well developed sense of direction. I know several males, including my brother and one of my best guy friends, that really struggle in this area. So yes, they are stereotypes.

But are stereotypes enough to completely write off that we are wired differently? What is with our society's current obsession with gender neutralizing everything to the point where being feminine or masculine is considered bad?

Go ahead, give the girl legos to play with. I would have loved Goldie Blox as a kid. Let her run around outside and climb trees and get dirty. This was me growing up. Encourage her to excel at math and science. Those were some of my strongest subjects and what pushed me into my career path. Give her the needed structure for stability with the freedom to follow her own path.

Just don't put her down for wanting to wear a dress while doing it.