letting go of expectations

Expectations, or the concept of them, are interesting.

On one hand, lowered expectations lead to fewer let downs. I had high expectations for Seattle, as it was my ideal city on paper, however after I moved there I was left largely disappointed. The climate was more depressing than I imagined. I found out S.A.D. actually does exist. The people, while polite on the surface, are so hard to get to know that there's actually a phenomenon named after it called the "Seattle Freeze." It took me over a year to really make some good friends, and during that struggle it was hard to not think there was something inherently wrong with me. So while I do enjoy going back for visits, I know it is not the city I will ever end up calling home.

When I found out I would be moving to San Francisco, I made a point not to have any expectations other than I knew it would be expensive. This method did not disappoint. In fact it exceeded any expectations I could have had. I ended up meeting some of my closest friends within the first few months there. I found an apartment in a neighborhood I loved. The job I was hired for was a bait and switch. At first I was upset, but the location I ended up working at turned out to be a far better deal than the original. And, who can forget (since I'm apparently beating a dead horse on here), on March 11, 2012 I randomly crossed paths with a man who would eventually become my boyfriend. This was only one month after moving there on February 8. I've never had a transition go so smoothly.

Was it because I had lowered my expectations? Or was it because I was more open to the experience? I'm not sure, to be honest. After trying so hard in Seattle to make things work the way I expected them to, SF was a cake walk.

But lowered expectations can also be a negative, and the most glaring example of this was my SF relationship. I had lowered my standards so much that I didn't expect anything from my ex. This led to downplaying all the disappointing times and blowing the happier moments way out of proportion. My scale for "healthy and happy" was out of whack, and in the end this caused me some major heartache.

So what is the right answer? Set expectations knowing you can be disappointed, or don't set them and end up being pleasantly surprised? I think I somewhat prefer the latter, but I certainly don't want to make the same mistakes again.

The reason I bring this up is that I was offered a job in Denver. For those that don't know, my top three cities to move to were Austin, San Diego, and Denver, all three nearly impossible markets to find a job in. My recruiter was actually like, "you're killing me" because I of course have a penchant for picking the most difficult route on earth. But I applied for my TX license (obviously already had CA) because I figured that, while I might not end up in Austin, I could likely find a job in Houston, or Dallas, or even San Antonio, and since it would only be 13 weeks, it would at least get me out of SF and close enough to visit my friends in Austin on weekends. I didn't even bother applying for my CO license because the only jobs that ever come up there are in Pueblo. And for those that don't know, it's not the most desirable place to live for a newly single 30-something gal.

My expectations were that I was going to TX. Somewhere. Anywhere. Warm. Cowboy boots. Cowboy hats. Cowboys. Not SF.

So when I got the call about the Denver opportunity, I was shocked for one (again, I've tried for 7 years to get there) but, and I hate to even say it, I was actually slightly disappointed. I had one idea in my mind, and when that idea did not pan out, I was a little sad.

I have to think that things happen for reasons we can't explain. I ended up moving to Boise because I just felt something was pushing me there. And as much as I had my heart set on Austin, I have to think that it's no coincidence that a job would open in Denver at the exact moment I need one.

Here goes. I'm letting go of my expectations and keeping myself open to whatever possibilities await.