Why is our need for closure so great? I keep asking myself this as I debate seeing my ex once more, only to convince myself it won't help. I mean - how much more closure do I need than seeing his new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with for 3 months) as his cover photo? And yes, just her. Not the two of them together. Just her. Boom.
Still there's this yearning and I think it has to do with letting go of love. I can say that I finally accept we are done. Why would I want someone who not only doesn't want me, but who would treat me so incredibly poorly? It's not healthy and I know it. And perfect on paper doesn't mean perfect in real life. But part of me is just petrified that I either won't find my dream guy again (because he was my dream guy on paper), or that I will unfairly judge future suitors against him. I mean, my ex was the single most attractive guy I've EVER met. Am I that superficial? I don't think so. While that was definitely a factor, I loved him for his other qualities: college educated, a successful entrepreneur, leads an active lifestyle and is a lover of the outdoors, great sense of humor, guitar player, enjoys museums, not too manly to drink girly drinks, talented photographer, up on world events. Truly a jack of all trades. I mean - where did this guy come from?
But I have to remind myself, though I will probably never meet someone quite like him, all of those amazing qualities cannot replace the fact that he used me, lied to me, cheated on me. And I know that does not make for a good partner in life. I don't want that. I don't want him. And I guess the final part of seeking closure comes from the fact that I want him to know I no longer want him. I want him to see that I've moved on.
Actions speak louder than words, and taking the action of not seeing him will get the point across more clearly than me telling him why I no longer need or want him. But.. it's just.. that sense of satisfaction.
God temptation is hard.
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