blue christmas

So the other day my mom cornered me (this was prior to meltdown # who knows what) and said, "Don't you like Christmas? It was always such a magical time for me and I've always tried to make it magical for you. Why can't you just enjoy this time of year?" It really hurt my feelings. It's not that I don't like christmastime in particular, it's just that the holidays become a drag when you're feeling down. Everyone else around you is all merry and it's in your face all the time. There really is no escaping it. It also doesn't help that my ex's name is actually found within the word Christmas. I know, I know, it's a common name. But still. All the happy is just a constant reminder that I'm alone and he's with his new girlfriend. I'm sure they will wake up together this morning, will exchange gifts, and will drive up to their hometown (yup, they went to high school together) to see their families later today. And it kills me that only a year ago we were telling each other "all I want for Christmas is you."

Speaking of which.. UGH. These holiday songs. They make me want to barf. I know that in another year I probably won't feel the sting so strongly. But the pain of rejection is just so palpable during the holidays that I can't pretend to be happy when I'm not. And for my mom to not recognize that is pretty lame.

Anyway, I came across this article today while perusing my news headlines, and I thought it was spot on. Though I don't attend church or believe in Jesus as the lord my savior, it makes a good point that sometimes for some people the holidays aren't happy times. There is a growing movement within the church to recognize this and congregations are beginning to make accommodations by holding "Blue Christmas" or "Longest Night" services.

"Part of it is a recognition that both the culture and even the church, at this time of year, can tend to completely overlook suffering," Burton-Edwards said. "Everybody is supposed to be cheery and happy and all of that, and yet that isn't the case for some people."

It's not to say people need to be gloomy for the sake of not offending others. It's just that there should be an awareness that jingle bells aren't for everyone.

So happy christmas to those who celebrate and are in a festive mood. To those who don't celebrate or are in a not-so-festive mood.. I feel ya. It'll be over soon.