How is it already December 24? I swear, time really does fly as we age. It's odd to think that only a year ago I was singing along with Bruce when he said "Merry Christmas baby." And now I'm tempted to go into hibernation and not emerge until March when all of the holidays are over. On the bright side, in one more week 4/6 of the special occasions you want to share with a significant other will be over. Then I'll only have two more left on the calendar (his birthday and Valentine's day) to get through. Sigh.
In the mean time, I came across this a while back and for some reason it popped into my head today. I truly have been feeling more physical pain lately, and I think it's due to the fact that I'm finally realizing I never meant more to him than a warm body to pass the time with. He really never saw me as girlfriend material. Though I think I knew this deep down, to hear the words.. it just hurts so badly. I keep playing them over and over in my mind. You can't help but question - why wasn't I good enough? What was wrong with me? Logically I know I'm a great person and will make a most excellent partner one day. But when the one you choose to love tells you not only did he not love you, but that he never saw any long term potential with you, and in fact seeing you makes him physically uncomfortable.. it's pretty much the most awful feeling in the world.
All I want for Christmas is for it to stop hurting.
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