grave thoughts

Took advantage of a rare warm weather day to help my mom and mommom lay grave blankets down on the final resting places of my poppop, a great uncle I really don't remember, my great grandma who I do vaguely remember, and a great grandfather that I never met. It's a strange concept, isn't it? Laying grave blankets? I mean, the scientific part of me is like - these people are dead. They can't be cold. Their bodies are decaying in really fancy wooden boxes. I don't believe in an afterlife, so even the point of burials is a bit beyond me. If anyone asks, please have me cremated.

But I guess that's not the point. It's not for their bodies to be warmed, it's for the comfort of the living to grieve and remember and continue to show love. My mommom stood at my poppop's grave for a few extra minutes. She said, "Hi Bob," and proceeded to have a short conversation with him. It struck me that it's a bit what I've been doing with the ending of my relationship. In a way, it's very much like a death. The person is no longer physically in my life, but he lives on in my mind and heart. I've buried (or at least, put away in a box in my storage unit) the tokens of our time together, never to be dug up again. I've had conversations with him, both out loud and in my head, as if he were still there and could hear me.

So I decided to lay down my own grave blanket. I ordered prints of the two photos we have together, our reflection in the aquarium glass and the shot he allowed the last time I saw him. They are waiting for me at Rite Aid. And once I pick them up, I will mail them to him in the Christmas card I had found a while back. He will probably roll his eyes at it and likely won't read the accompanying note or keep the small ornament I also purchased. But it will be our grave blanket. It won't be for him, it will be a way for me to grieve and remember and continue to show my love. And it will be enough.