meltdown numero i'm losing count

Oh how I thought I was over it. Oh how my mother knows exactly how to push me just enough to make me reach my breaking point. I've only been home one day and already am threatening to leave. Not a good sign of what is to come.

Regardless, I had never told her the actual circumstances of my breakup because I didn't want her to hate my ex. Why I felt the need to protect him from her wrath is beyond me. I mean, I told my friends and while they believe he is not worth any more tears or time, they have been supportive enough to understand love is blind and haven't chastised me for my wayward thinking. But hearing "I knew it, I knew he was no good" from your mother doesn't help. It doesn't help to hear "there are other fish in the sea" or "someday a nice man will make you happy." I know she means well, but I don't need a man to make me happy. Maybe it's a generational thing, because though I want to be in a loving relationship with a nice man, I know it's not the only thing in life worth striving for.

The point is that after pushing me and pushing me and pushing me over the course of a day and a half as to why I wasn't able to snap out of it, because, "after all Sweetie, you left him, remember? You went to Idaho" I finally (in a mild fit of rage) yelled "IDAHO WAS A MUTUAL DECISION! I WENT BECAUSE I WAS BURNT OUT FROM MY JOB AND IT WAS HIS BUSY SUMMER SEASON! IT WAS ONLY FOR 3 MONTHS! I KEPT MY APARTMENT AND GOT MY OLD JOB BACK! AND I CAME BACK TO VISIT AT THE HALFWAY POINT! AND I'M BROKEN HEARTED BECAUSE THE MAN I LOVED AND TRUSTED MORE THAN ANYONE HAD BEEN F*CKING ANOTHER WOMAN! AND IT STARTED BEFORE I LEFT FOR IDAHO! IT STARTED BEFORE HE EVEN MET YOU!" 

And this finally shut her up. Problem is it also set off an unrelenting display of waterworks that I hadn't experienced since mimosa day. And I hadn't even been drinking.

I wish that I wouldn't take my anger at my ex out on my mother, but I guess that emotion needed to surface one way or another. She was the unfortunate victim. On the positive side, she finally understood why I was so utterly hurt. It wasn't just that he had met someone else while I was away but that he had been cheating on me for months, and this sense of betrayal is something I've never felt before. While I laid on my bed sobbing, she sat silently beside me and rubbed my back until eventually I calmed enough to take more normal sized breaths. I may be 31, but in moments like that it's nice to have a mom, even when she drives you nuts.