hippy dippy mumbo jumbo

I'm all for alternative medicine. I practice yoga and meditation. I believe in karma and powers of the universe. But is there ever a time when all this hippy dippy mumbo jumbo is just too much?

The last time I experienced a bad breakup I actually went on a 4 day retreat at Kripalu, which is one of the most amazing places in the world as far as I'm concerned. They were featuring a program on grief, loss and healing, and I felt it was too serendipitous to miss. I took multiple yoga classes daily, ate wonderfully nutritious vegan foods, and participated in seminars on everything from journaling to the 5 Tibetans. I laughed and cried in sharing circles and I got my anger out in drum circles. I even conquered a long harbored fear of kayaking. I reluctantly returned to the real world, however the person who emerged was different than the one who first set foot in the Berkshires. She was stronger, more resilient and kinder to herself.

Then that person logged onto facebook and discovered her newly ex-boyfriend was already in a relationship with someone else.

Heart. Break.

It took a long time to bounce back again, and there are times I still think about it and what I could have done differently. But I always had faith that things happen for reasons we can't always understand or explain. And I've never wished to change the past because it is what brings us to where we are today.

But does everything always have to be rainbows and butterflies? Can't the world just suck sometimes? This is what I'm struggling with now. Things suck. Period. I've tried to "be friends with my grief" and "go through the emotions, not around them" and "give kindness to my ex." Lord knows I've probably done too much of this last one. But what if I'm just tired of the pain? What if I really just want to be done with it already?

Maybe I'm not as strong mentally as I want to be. Maybe there is more in store for me that I can't understand or appreciate at the moment. Or maybe I have to do another retreat. But maybe I just need a little dose of rough and tumble, a kick in the ass, or some harsh reality for a change. Hippy dippy is okay and usually what I turn to during these times, but I think right now it's just too much.