31 days.. day 5

Day 5: Evaluate your "friendships"

Wow, this could not have come at a better time. Spending the past week reconnecting with old friends in Boston and contemplating my pending move to Denver (which means leaving the amazing people I've met in SF) has really got me thinking about the concept of friendship and its role in our lives.

The dictionary defines friend in several ways, including a patron, a non-foe and even a Quaker. But the way that best summarizes what I want to talk about today is the first definition: "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard." A friend is someone we cherish in our lives, and with any luck the feeling is mutual. Some friends are with us temporarily, some are with us for life, but either way friends are people who have an overall positive impact on our lives.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes. Some are close friends, some are more like acquaintances. Day 5's blog post is encouraging the reader to be mindful of the number of online friend requests they accept and points to studies that show larger social networks are associated with higher stress levels. It also encourages the reader to defriend those that are only considered acquaintances (I know, I know.. networking. But hear me out) and even to disconnect from social media all together if you find yourself constantly feeling stressed.

I can relate to this last point, having recently deactivated my facebook account. I fully admit the first two weeks were challenging and I did go through withdrawals. However, now that it's been over 3 months, I can't say I miss it. Sure there are times I wonder what is "trending" or what the latest viral video is. I probably have missed a few evites to various events. At times I'm even curious to see how all those babies are growing up. But ultimately I think I'm in a better place for not being on.

We live in a world that bombards us with constant information and it's contributing to rising anxiety levels. Just look at the newly coined term #FOMO (fear of missing out.) This is a real thing. We worry that by putting our iphones away for an hour long dinner date we'll miss out on something the online world deems important. But is that cat video really that crucial? I'm pretty sure grumpy cat is grumpy because no one even has a life anymore.

Or what about the tendency to determine self-worth based upon the number of FB likes you receive, or the number of retweets your post gets? We are instilling in people that validation can only come from how many people follow you and it's making us depressed. Look at this AMAZING selfie I just took while eating this AMAZING ice cream cone at this AMAZING beachfront location! We see that and we're instantly envious of what they have. If only I had that ice cream on that beach, then I'd be happy, too. But what we fail to recognize is that most people only post the positives, skewing our perception of the norm. We forget that sometimes things aren't so great, but because all we see are posts about my AMAZING (blank) we think there must be something wrong with us because we don't have that all the time.

Things brings me back to what this post is about.. evaluating friendships. If a "friend" (or their posts) is/are making you feel down about yourself, it's probably time to reassess their role and if they're truly having a positive impact on your life. Friends are our chosen family. We determine who is in our lives and who isn't. Sure, some come and go, but they should all help you along your journey to becoming a better person.

Some food for thought. I'm not sure either extreme is good, but pairing down your friend list or deactivating for a while may be the ticket you need to get your priorities back in alignment. I know it's greatly helped me realize who I want to make the effort to keep in my life, and who I am ready to let go of.