I'm pretty sure this title should be "Say goodbye to little white lies, and little white liars." I am 100% a firm believer in telling the truth. It might be because I went to Catholic school and they instilled a sense of guilt in me that doesn't allow me to lie. I still remember the shame I felt in the 4th grade when I was called out in front of the entire class for forging a signature on a test in which I received a poor grade.. scarred me for life. Though I know many others that went through similar schooling and do not have that same sense, so I'm sure it's also partly just my nature. But I seriously have an incredibly difficult time telling lies. It actually causes my blood pressure and heart rate to become elevated. My palms will sweat. It is a true physiological stress response. In fact, just typing these words out is making me anxious.
So how is it that some people can lie so easily? Is it because they don't have a conscious? How can it come so naturally to them? Do they feel any guilt?
These are questions I've asked myself over and over, especially when it comes to my ex. He lied to me so so many times, often directly to my face. And I just can't seem to wrap my head around the concept of looking someone in the eye and with supposed sincerity, tell a non-truth or a flat out fib. I think it's a major reason in why I stayed as long as I did. The red flags were there, and I had my suspicions. But I was naive to the fact that people could so blatantly lie to others. It wasn't in my life experience, and so I chose to believe him because people just don't lie like that.
Lesson learned: they do.
This post comes at a very significant time. Today I left my heart in San Francisco. I packed up, locked the door of my friend's apartment for the last time, and headed east towards the next chapter in my life journey. I didn't cry the way I expected to, though when I drove across Fillmore St I compulsively touched my passenger window and said my final goodbye to Chris in my heart. Goodbye my little white liar. I can only hope one day you won't have such power over me anymore, and that we both find the happiness that we deserve.
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