31 days.. day 18

Day 18: Brain dump for better sleep

This has me written all over it. In fact, I really need to buy a small notebook to keep by my (future) bedside table because I'm constantly plagued by thoughts, positive and negative alike. I've always envied those who can fall asleep almost instantly and are expert nappers. It takes me around 30 minutes or more to fall asleep, even when I'm totally exhausted from the day. Naps therefore have eluded me; it takes so long for me to fall asleep that by the time I do, nap time is over and I should be back to whatever project I had been working on.

I've accepted the fact that I'm not a napper. I've also accepted the fact that I'm a poor sleeper. I can count on one hand the number of times I've woken and actually felt refreshed.. it's like, oh yeah - that's what a good night's rest should feel like. I've considered looking into taking a sleep aid, and have tried over the counter products like melatonin capsules. I can't say they really made a difference, so perhaps it might be worthwhile to try a prescription. My fear is that I'll wake up groggy or will become dependent upon them. I don't want to become dependent.

What I really need to learn to do is turn off my mind because that is what wakes me up. Sure, if I'm in a new environment then yes it may be new sounds or different lighting. Or if it's really really cold or really really hot then I will be more likely to be restless. But more often than not, it's my mind. It runs all the time, and it's no wonder I'm always tired. Like, actually fatigued. I'm not one to complain, so I go about my day and my job the way I would if I wasn't tired. And it's a bit like my chronic neck pain - I've had it so long, I forget how it feels to be pain free. I always have a low level headache, so that's become my norm. Same with sleep. I always have this low level of fatigue; it's my norm. I don't know any better, except when those rare great sleep nights happen and I'm reminded.

I'm going to try this notebook thing. I thought journaling in this blog would help in that regard too, but I think it's actually working against me as I'm trying to write coherent and thoughtful things, rather than just rambling on about the first thing that comes to mind. I'll try to remember to report back if successful!