31 days.. day 25

Day 25: Engage in "healthy" gossip

I hate gossip, so I'm not sure how I feel about the title of this post, though I can appreciate the thoughts behind today's challenge. I've said this before, I really make an effort not to judge people though of course it happens, consciously or not. But ever since the 5th grade, when friends of mine played a really cruel prank on me, it taught me that it's never a good idea to talk poorly about someone. You see, a friend of mine (Trisha) called me on the phone. At first it was just a casual conversation, but it quickly turned to the topic of another friend (Annie). Trisha started going on and on about how annoying Annie was, and how she dressed funny. And she had a big nose. And after every statement, she would say something along the lines of "don't you think?" Now, I remember so vividly feeling uncomfortable, and likely my heart rate increased then the way it has now just recalling this memory. But, I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to feel like I fit in. So I eventually began to agree with Trisha's statements. Yes, Annie was annoying. Yes, she sometimes dressed funny. Yes, she had a big nose.

Well, Annie came on the phone and said, "thanks a lot, Allison, I thought you were my friend" and hung up. She had been with Trisha the entire time. They bated me and I fell for it.

Now, there are a few lessons to be learned here. One, kids are mean, this is nothing new. They do mean things to one another, play tricks on one another, bully each other. Nowadays cruelty is more in the public eye than ever with the advent of social media, though statistics show it's actually no worse, it just takes a different form.

But had such an incident happened to me today as an adult, it would have taught me a few more things. Primarily that these people are not my friends nor are they the kind of people I want in my life. I don't have the energy to keep such folks around and would rather give my time to the people I really care about, and who really care about me. Secondly, there is something to be said about not following the crowd. My gut was telling me something was wrong; I was so uncomfortable. But my desire to fit in was stronger than my will to resist, and I paid for it with years of guilt. I haven't spoken to either of these girls since I moved to a new school district in the 7th grade. Not because of this incident but because people fade away. And yet I can still recall it like it was yesterday.

The article recommends gossiping as an end to justify the means. "To defend others when you see people acting selfishly or exploiting others." And I guess I would have a hard time sitting back if I heard incorrect accusations flying around about someone I knew. But to turn around and spread gossip about the perpetrator? I just don't see how that would help the situation. Why not just speak up and provide the correct information?

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.